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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Life is not Always Easy

My beautiful daughter Amy had a miscarriage  today.  Actually, the baby died inside of her a couple of weeks ago and she will have surgery but will have to wait until the baby comes on it's own. It could be tonight or next week.  She was about 4 months along and we are all very saddened by this occurrence.

 I can really feel empathy for her because I have had two miscarriages myself. One was especially hard because I was about 5 months along and 2 of my sisters-in-law were due at the same time.  Now they would have babies together and I would be left out.  I mourned for a long time for this lost baby.  It was not a fetus, not a pregnancy, but a baby. 

Amy had Hyperemesis    Hyperemesis gravidarum - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
which meant she has been very, very sick for these past few months but we kept saying just get through this and it will be worth it.  Now their (our) dream is gone.  Some of the things people thoughtlessly say are " oh, you can have another", or  "it's for the best, it was probably not right",  "it was God's will",  "get over it, it wasn't a baby yet".  Even if some of the things are true, they should never be said to the parents.  Instead say, "I am sorry",  "I love you",  " I will help you with the housework, food and other children so you can rest",  "take the time you need to mourn", "we care", "I will keep you in my prayers", "I am here".

Losing a baby is hard on the husband too as he tries to be strong and not show too much emotion in front of his wife. He has lost this dream too.

One thing I do know from my experience is that it can make you stronger. Or, if you let it, it can pull you away from people and from God's love.  I had some wonderful people in my life to help. Amy and Wes do too.  They are strong and will get through this with care and love from all of us.